employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

---

hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[refactor]

damn right they're not I've made SURE that would never happen. might surprise you but I super care about my image, because that? that is important. gotta keep up the brand and all that

but!! all that aside you are definitely one of my contacts kiddo. so yknow no need to send a resume you're pre-approved

[ofobedience]

Oh, yes. I'm shocked. But you do tend to leave a lasting impression.

And lucky me. I'll be on guard against sudden disappearances.

[Not that he's concerned, of course. Certain higher ups would be cross if Jack went around 'misplacing' expensive equipment.]

[refactor]

man don't even joke about that

like I'm serious that stupid bureau bullcrap messed with a lot of shit hence this posting? for SOME reason people don't want to actually dip their toes into changing things anymore

which is stupid because what are you going to do without your papers

not that it matters to you I guess

[ofobedience]

No. As you say, it hardly matters to something like me. Haha.

[refactor]

something like you huh

y'know it really should matter to you. but I can't decide if you're unlucky or lucky for not having to give a shit

[ofobedience]

That's what I said.

And get back to me if you figure it out, will you? Though I'm curious to know why you think it should matter to me.

[refactor]

is "it's interesting" a good enough answer?

[ofobedience]

It's not much of one, though I suppose it's as good an answer as any. I suspect you and I have fairly divergent ideas on what constitutes 'interesting', however.

[refactor]

I mean that's a given

you're a stick in the mud pal so there's no way our ideas of interesting align on much

like if it were a venn diagram it'd be a tiiiiiiny little sliver in between

but my half is way more awesome that's also a given

[ofobedience]

[Stick in the mud...]

Now you're just being rude. I know how to have a good time.

[refactor]

sticks in the mud can still have fun dude. just not as MUCH fun. because you're a stick in the mud

like what was the last fun thing you did

[ofobedience]

Let me see. Earlier today I ripped out a man's spine with my bare hands. That was a spot of fun. There was a lot of blood. Very pretty. I could show you some time, if you like.

[Preferably on you, but you know. A Dog can dream.]

Why do you say I'm a stick in the mud?

[Not that Jack's opinion particularly matters, but he doesn't quite understand.]

[refactor]

haha holy crap

that is way more metal of a response than I expected so nice and I mean that one. you rip out spines often? or is it just a good day today

you're a stick in the mud because you kinda talk like a robot buddy. like not beep boop 0011010 kind but stiff. I'm also at least 90% you don't actually know how to smile like for real

[ofobedience]

Not always the spine, but you know. Variety is the spice of life. Some days are more interesting than others, I'll admit.

I speak correctly, whilst it seems no one ever taught you about grammar and capitalisation. And come on now, I smile quite regularly.

[Just...you know...wrongly, and at inappropriate times...]

[refactor]

eh well yeah that's always the case. sometimes I'm just doing paperwork (TODAY) and other times I get to go more on your line of work. no spine rippings though. I'm not that hardcore

sucks

anyways

I can totally use proper capitalization and punctuation when I want to, kiddo. It's just kind of a waste of time, one, and two? It makes me sound way more formal. You'll totally get the wrong impression of the kind of person I am if I'm typing like this.

because you gotta admit this style? way more me

[ofobedience]

You're missing out. And I can't say I regret being exempt from paperwork, that all falls to someone else. I live a charmed life, haha. I do dislike playing guard dog for the paranoid types who don't seem to realise they're too uninteresting for anyone to make a serious attempt on their lives, however (TODAY). It's beyond me how they ever get clearance in the first place. To keep them quiet and content, I suppose.

And you're right, of course. That style is far more you.

[refactor]

friggin honestly! you get all the play no work. or well the work that's basically play. you lucky dog

[ jack is probably laughing at his own joke here... ]

but yeah basically. squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that. unfortunately you're the grease. sucks. wish you had more interesting work because it's totally a waste

[ofobedience]

[Honestly, he's not entirely sure whether it's intended as a joke or just a discription. It's jack, so he's leaning towards joke, but who knows.]

I'll say.

Certainly a waste. Alas. But I suppose one can't have everything-- at least 80% of what I do is good fun.

[refactor]

see? totally fair. my ratio is like 20% in a GOOD month

[ofobedience]

It sucks to be you.

[look. he can do slang if he wants to. stick in the mud...]

[refactor]

it does! my life is so hard and full of tragedy etc etc

but! hey good job on using the word "sucks" because I can call that a step in the right direction. just yknow still got a ways to go but. good start

[ofobedience]

I'm so glad you approve. I don't know what I would have done, otherwise.

[refactor]

cried into your wheaties probably

you seem like a wheaties kinda guy

[ofobedience]

What is that? Some kind of food? I don't need to eat, you realise. I'm a cheap date. Haha.

[he can eat??? it's just...what's the point when you don't need to?]

[refactor]

seriously

are you sure you're not a robot because every time I talk to you I find more evidence for that conclusion