employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

---

hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

text

[deceptions]

if you're hiring the people that keep dying doesn't that speak more to your hiring skills

text

[graftage]

you know, if you tell people that the job they're going to take could result in them dying, i don't think you'll get a whole lot of responses. just saying! :)

[refactor]

uh no? that's not how hiring works

I see talent, pay the big joy for it, and then the idiots go and hang around the bureau when it gets blown up??? how could I know they'd be that stupid. or unlucky. whatever

point is their dying is their own damn fault

unless I send them to do something dangerous I guess but then they just suck overall and yeah that one is kinda on me. only kinda though. they should git gud

text

[slotted]

THIS WAS UNEXPECTED
I WAS IMAGINING A MORE FORMAL ANNOUNCEMENT IF YOU WANTED SOME PEOPLE TO WORK FOR YOU

[refactor]

okay so I know this is a general call so I kind of did but at the same time I'm still going to say "no one asked you assface"

so there

also: untrue. if that were the case the rac wouldn't exist at all because those badasses die like all the time

[refactor]

oh yeah I mean if it were a super legit company announcement ppppprobably but also those suck? who reads those but desperate people? lame and not what I'm looking for. I like personality in my job postings

also your enthusiasm is appreciated because I'm interpreting the capslock abuse as excited yelling instead of angry yelling

[slotted]

SHOULD HAVE ADDED COLOUR, THEN
AND MY PHONE IS STUCK THIS WAY
IT'S OLD
I'M NOT ENTHUSIASTIC AT ALL

text

[bittybat]

[It's sad that Damian can tick off, like, four things on that list!!]

Couldn't you have put this on an employment board?

text

[impulsors]

do they let you keep the money you don't spend on people or something?

[graftage]

i'm just trying to be helpful, jack!

so basically you're trying to get all the people who aren't courageous enough to be part of the rac? because the people who don't care about dying would already be rac if they wanted to be, you know that.

[refactor]

helpful my ass

pffft no. look I totally get not being into the deal the rac provides. courage completely aside there. rac couldn't do shit without infobrokers and the rac doesn't care to do shit if their pockets aren't getting lined

they're friggin bounty hunters not charity workers

which probably weird considering talking paying people but my point here is nah nothing to do with that. I'm not just looking for muscle here bucko

[refactor]

oh goddammit you're totally right

maybe I should edit it? give opinions y/n for color

also clearly your phone is old if it's stuck in caps holy crap. what is it one of those ones that you could run over with a train and it'd still be totally okay

[refactor]

sure but who reads those

this way is WAY more likely to get a response. clearly! because here you are, responding

so, you know, thanks for proving my point already kiddo

[refactor]

nah I'm just rich

[ this probably isn't even true but it sure is his answer ]

[graftage]

guess you have a point. similar possibilities of death, but the purpose really is quite different.

you're looking for justice seekers, then?

[slotted]

THE FLOOR IS YOURS
NO, THOSE DON'T EVEN HAVE WIFI. BUT IT STILL HAS BUTTONS

[impulsors]

that's a surprise

[refactor]

innn a manner of speaking yeah I guess

justice seekers makes it sound all holier than thou bullshit which is more your thing

ok maybe not YOUR thing but scarback thing

I just want bad people to get what they deserve and unfortunately that's not a one man job. which sucks? because I would totally just do it all myself if I could

[refactor]

you've convinced me. check back in five while I mark this bitch up

I mean sounds like barely buddy. you're one step away from a potato in my mind here

[refactor]

what

why would that be a surprise??? of COURSE they would pay me mad joy

[impulsors]

just sounded like if you had anything else to brag about, you would've thrown it up in the ad

[refactor]

see there's the problem

I've got SO MUCH to brag about that I'm in trouble of running into the character limit here? like did you even know there was a character limit because there totally is. found that one out when I was describing

you know what nevermind

point being I'm not about to buffer overflow this post and get IT crying to me like "wehhhh jack you're so great and handsome and you broke our systems bawwww"

simple

[deceptions]

you're doing a great job of convincing people they should apply for the job

[ and then, encrypted: ]

what do you mean, "good work"?

text

[ofobedience]

No doubt you'll have them queuing up for the chance, when you phrase it like that.

[impulsors]

[ silence.

silence.

silence long enough for a particularly frail mayfly to hatch and breathe and die, for tides to turn, for faces to wither into stone and be forgotten.







or, you know, time enough for handsome jack to pick his teeth, check a convenient reflective surface and realise that yes, he's even more attractive now than he was ten minutes ago. same difference. ]

are you a joke?