employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

---

hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[refactor]

oh goddammit you're totally right

maybe I should edit it? give opinions y/n for color

also clearly your phone is old if it's stuck in caps holy crap. what is it one of those ones that you could run over with a train and it'd still be totally okay

[slotted]

THE FLOOR IS YOURS
NO, THOSE DON'T EVEN HAVE WIFI. BUT IT STILL HAS BUTTONS

[refactor]

you've convinced me. check back in five while I mark this bitch up

I mean sounds like barely buddy. you're one step away from a potato in my mind here

[slotted]

IT'S BEAUTIFUL
AND I DON'T REALLY HAVE A BUDGET FOR A BETTER PHONE
THIS IS FINE
DOES IT BOTHER YOU?

[refactor]

thanks pal. I put my best glittertext efforts into it. wanted yellow honestly but that's kind of hard to read so this had to do

and yeah a little but only because it's weird? like

YOU HAVE TO SEE HOW THE CAPS COMES OFF HERE RIGHT

IT'S LIKE I'M TURBO SHOUTING AT YOU DESPITE THE FACT THAT I'M JUST LAUGHING THAT I'M USING THE STANDARD CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL

WAIT I TAKE IT BACK THAT WOULD IMPLY THAT YOU'RE COOL AND I HAVEN'T MADE A JUDGEMENT ON THAT ONE YET. YOU HAVE TO EARN COOL

[slotted]

IT'S DEFINITELY JUST YOU
I'M JUST READING IT NORMALLY

[refactor]

THIS IS SO NOT NORMAL YOU'RE JUST USED TO IT

LIKE WHEN YOU FART AND DON'T SMELL ANYTHING BUT EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS ABOUT TO RIP OFF THEIR OWN NOSE TO ESCAPE THAT KIND OF STANK. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CALLED-- OK GOOGLE SAYS NOSEBLIND

YOU'RE TEXTBLIND

I CAN TOTALLY POLL THE MASSES ON THIS ONCE THE SYSTEM CALMS DOWN AND TELLS ME TO STOP POSTING SO MUCH

what the fresh hell is this

[slotted]

OKAY MAYBE IT IS WEIRD
BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO USE THAT KIND OF COMPARISON
I GET IT NOW, THOUGH
SO YOU KNOW
THANKS?

it's... it's jack... i'm sorry

[refactor]

YOU'RE TOTALLY WELCOME AND CLEARLY YES I DID BECAUSE NOW YOU GET IT

SOMETIMES THE WEIRD METAPHOR IS THE ONE THAT MAKES IT MAKE THE MOST SENSE

NOT THAT FARTING IS WEIRD BUT THAT'S JUST THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND THERE FOR THINGS YOU COULD BE NOSEBLIND TO

[slotted]

IT ISN'T BUT IT'S SOMETHING PEOPLE DON'T USUALLY TALK ABOUT

[refactor]

CITATION NEEDED

BECAUSE LOOK BEFORE THE SECTOR MANAGER THING I WAS AN ENGINEER AND LET ME TELL YOU THIS IS A POPULAR POINT OF CONVERSATION

LESS IN THE MANAGERIAL HALF BUT THOSE CONVERSATION TOPICS ARE WAY WORSE

[slotted]

WHY WOULD YOU TALK ABOUT THOSE KINDS OF THINGS

[refactor]

BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY? LOOK INAPPROPRIATE WORKPLACE JOKES IS THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP YOURSELF FROM COMMITTING SUICIDE FROM ALL THE BROKEN BULLSHIT YOU'RE ON THE HOOK TO FIX

GENERALLY SPEAKING HERE BECAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS A LOT TO FIX. DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE JOB IS

[slotted]

YOU HAVE A STRANGE SENSE OF HUMOUR

[refactor]

THAT'S TRUE

BUT

THIS IS NOT THE STRANGE PART OF MY SENSE OF HUMOR BUCKO. THIS IS NORMAL?

[slotted]

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE ACTUAL STRANGE PART IS, THEN

[refactor]

NOPEEEEE YOU SURE DO NOT

SCUMBAGS COME UP WITH SOME PRETTY MESSED UP STUFF LET'S PUT IT THAT WAY. WORK'S NEVER BORING