employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

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hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[refactor]

innn a manner of speaking yeah I guess

justice seekers makes it sound all holier than thou bullshit which is more your thing

ok maybe not YOUR thing but scarback thing

I just want bad people to get what they deserve and unfortunately that's not a one man job. which sucks? because I would totally just do it all myself if I could

[graftage]

still, it's very much "i want to help the many by getting rid of the bad seeds in the lot", so you're getting close to it, i think.

but honestly? i'd pay money to see you go one-on-one with the criminal underworld. do you even know how to fight?

[refactor]

no way it's totally different. because me? I'm action, sweetheart. already a big difference there over talk

and duh I do? what you think I'd run a freaking pre-prison prison and not know how to bust some heads? cripes. one time I strangled a guy so hard one of his eyes popped out

(he lived btw just to clarify)

1/2

[graftage]

some of us take a less drastic approach to things, but we do it in our own way. believe me, we're doing much more than "talking" (though i know some of us like to talk more than others, guilty as charged for that)

i remember you telling me about that, actually! thought it was a tall tale, at first. but i'm not surprised, you're that kind of man.

so, why do you need people to do this kind of thing for you, then? is the Company giving you too many sectors to manage or what

2/2

[graftage]

[Like 2 seconds later:]

also loving the colors by the way. nice touch.

[refactor]

if by "less drastic" you mean "never gonna do anything" then yes, agree on that one

I wish? I'd manage the whole facility if they'd let me but nooooo it's "too much" for one person or other corporate crap. it's just all about doing my job well. all the other sector managers? they do their job sure. but they're not efficient. they don't see a way to make things work. I do. not calling them lazy but I am calling them short-sighted. hence, need more hands and not necessarily company hands

also thanks. that's the least crap thing you've said today so congratulations

[graftage]

say what you want, jack. just because we don't have big flashy results doesn't mean there aren't any results at all.

sounds real complicated. i've never had a mind for business myself so i can't see what anyone gets out of managing other people like this. how many people are you even looking for? as many as you can get?

thanks :) i always like to stay positive

[refactor]

don't get started on the feelings crap that TOTALLY does not count ugh

well that's why I'm here managing the most efficient sector and you're not pumpkin. I've got a knack for it. I've got a number in mind but it's more like just a nice to have kinda deal. I'm not going to take on someone crap just to reach a quota. that's not how I do things

quality over quantity every day

[graftage]

maybe i should! i know a certain someone would like if i got started on that, but i'll take mercy on you for now :)

so if people do offer, how are you going to weed them out? have some kind of interview with them and go over their resume? sounds kind of boring

[refactor]

okay second part I'll get to but first part is way more important to address here

so

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............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
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SCREW YOU

[graftage]

that remark got me to instantly write an appointment for you in my calendar for next week, you lucky dog!

besides i haven't given her an update in a while so it's really for both our sakes really.

[refactor]

ok then I'm going to pop out one of YOUR eyeballs

hows that

[graftage]

i'm flattered but i like my eyes where they are, thank you.

postpone it to two weeks, then

[refactor]

you are SUCH an asshole jesus christ

I tell you this every time but it's like you never listen!!!! so I'm friggin done with this topic

so. interviews. kind of. more like I give them a job and if they totally suck I never call them back. it's like a one night stand

[graftage]

harsh! just trying to do my duties here. you've dealt with her, you know what i'm going through. don't shoot the messenger, please.

that's...intimate. but its survival of the fittest. whoever does the job gets the job. not a bad way to weed out people, really!

[refactor]

THAT'S intimate? please

intimate is what I'm gonna do with all the hot babes that reply to this. because I mean they can work for my sure but on the other hand totally single and ready to mingle

but that's beside the point

because yeah it totally works as a great way to weed out the people not worth my time

[graftage]

if you really wanted a date you should've included that with the advertisement. just put your dating profile out there! i'm sure people want to know what your ideal date is, favorite food, etc. go for it.

aren't like 90% of the population not worth your time though

[refactor]

okay to be honest did consider it but figured it might send mixed messages... or just not the right one? look I'm not explaining this one any further if I DO find a hookup you are not ruining this for me kiddo

yeah so

[graftage]

you make it sound like i'll somehow barge into the room when you're just about to seal the deal with someone. i'm good at annoying you, but not THAT good. you're giving me way too much credit!

[refactor]

look I'm just saying given the opportunity I'm at least 99% sure you would because you're a dick

[graftage]

i'm not interesting in your love life, jack! go and have fun. let off some steam from all the sector managing you're doing.

[refactor]

oh now you're just being a condescending little bitch

I hate you so much

[graftage]

i actually meant it that time! it works out for the both of us if you're in a good mood, you know.

[refactor]

I'm hanging up on you

3

2

1

bye

[graftage]

you know you can't hang up on a text conversation, right. just checking.

anyways, have a nice day, jack! i'll be around if you need someone to yell at :)