employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

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hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[refactor]

okay second part I'll get to but first part is way more important to address here

so

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...
SCREW YOU

[graftage]

that remark got me to instantly write an appointment for you in my calendar for next week, you lucky dog!

besides i haven't given her an update in a while so it's really for both our sakes really.

[refactor]

ok then I'm going to pop out one of YOUR eyeballs

hows that

[graftage]

i'm flattered but i like my eyes where they are, thank you.

postpone it to two weeks, then

[refactor]

you are SUCH an asshole jesus christ

I tell you this every time but it's like you never listen!!!! so I'm friggin done with this topic

so. interviews. kind of. more like I give them a job and if they totally suck I never call them back. it's like a one night stand

[graftage]

harsh! just trying to do my duties here. you've dealt with her, you know what i'm going through. don't shoot the messenger, please.

that's...intimate. but its survival of the fittest. whoever does the job gets the job. not a bad way to weed out people, really!

[refactor]

THAT'S intimate? please

intimate is what I'm gonna do with all the hot babes that reply to this. because I mean they can work for my sure but on the other hand totally single and ready to mingle

but that's beside the point

because yeah it totally works as a great way to weed out the people not worth my time

[graftage]

if you really wanted a date you should've included that with the advertisement. just put your dating profile out there! i'm sure people want to know what your ideal date is, favorite food, etc. go for it.

aren't like 90% of the population not worth your time though

[refactor]

okay to be honest did consider it but figured it might send mixed messages... or just not the right one? look I'm not explaining this one any further if I DO find a hookup you are not ruining this for me kiddo

yeah so

[graftage]

you make it sound like i'll somehow barge into the room when you're just about to seal the deal with someone. i'm good at annoying you, but not THAT good. you're giving me way too much credit!

[refactor]

look I'm just saying given the opportunity I'm at least 99% sure you would because you're a dick

[graftage]

i'm not interesting in your love life, jack! go and have fun. let off some steam from all the sector managing you're doing.

[refactor]

oh now you're just being a condescending little bitch

I hate you so much

[graftage]

i actually meant it that time! it works out for the both of us if you're in a good mood, you know.

[refactor]

I'm hanging up on you

3

2

1

bye

[graftage]

you know you can't hang up on a text conversation, right. just checking.

anyways, have a nice day, jack! i'll be around if you need someone to yell at :)