employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

---

hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[refactor]

yeah? like look dunno about you but MY family is definitely on the hook of the seven generations crap and I'm lucky number six so definitely wasn't going to throw that away

and y'know they're the only ones worth doing anything tech with so that helped

okay so gotta toss a question back then because yes??? duh??? what do you do / where are you from. either or because I'll kinda get the idea either way

[refactor]

okay second part I'll get to but first part is way more important to address here

so

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...
SCREW YOU

[refactor]

nah I'm good

because it works way better than you'd think. might not get responses now but later down the line? a guy looking for work is gonna remember me. it's all marketing kiddo. no one forgets handsome jack

like you can't deny that part. just a fact.

[graftage]

that remark got me to instantly write an appointment for you in my calendar for next week, you lucky dog!

besides i haven't given her an update in a while so it's really for both our sakes really.

[ofobedience]

Well. You're right about that part. No-one's likely to forget you, Mr. Marten.

[refactor]

ok then I'm going to pop out one of YOUR eyeballs

hows that

[graftage]

i'm flattered but i like my eyes where they are, thank you.

postpone it to two weeks, then

voice; because fuck text

[lotusmesenpai]

You're a moron.

[A pause, and then an annoyed sigh.]

Killjoys don't work for you, old man. That's the whole fucking point of being fucking neutral. Take us out of there and saying stupid shit.

[refactor]

you are SUCH an asshole jesus christ

I tell you this every time but it's like you never listen!!!! so I'm friggin done with this topic

so. interviews. kind of. more like I give them a job and if they totally suck I never call them back. it's like a one night stand

[refactor]

damn right they're not I've made SURE that would never happen. might surprise you but I super care about my image, because that? that is important. gotta keep up the brand and all that

but!! all that aside you are definitely one of my contacts kiddo. so yknow no need to send a resume you're pre-approved

and text because he's a contrary asshole...

[refactor]

oh what too cool for text princess? I get it you're totally afraid of getting schooled by my sick prose. trust me cupcake I'm way more charming in every medium voice or audio isn't gonna make a difference

I mean, as a whole nnnnno but if I'm a repeat customer with the same agents over and over again? you kinda work for me a little. just also yknow other people and I'm not gonna trust any of you to have any loyalty.

but if you're getting your panties in a twist over it slash ask really nicely I'll take it out sure

[graftage]

harsh! just trying to do my duties here. you've dealt with her, you know what i'm going through. don't shoot the messenger, please.

that's...intimate. but its survival of the fittest. whoever does the job gets the job. not a bad way to weed out people, really!

[impulsors]

huh. guess i forgot about that.

rac. from westerley.

he's not sinking to your level, OLD MAN

[lotusmesenpai]

[tl:dr]

Fuck off.

[refactor]

Language, princess. Has anyone ever told you that you've got a super foul mouth? Because man. You do.

[bittybat]

[EXCUSE ME SHUT UP]

That doesn't make any sense. I never said I was inquiring about your offer. I'm only pointing out how stupid it is to beg for calling cards over the system.

[ofobedience]

Oh, yes. I'm shocked. But you do tend to leave a lasting impression.

And lucky me. I'll be on guard against sudden disappearances.

[Not that he's concerned, of course. Certain higher ups would be cross if Jack went around 'misplacing' expensive equipment.]

[refactor]

THAT'S intimate? please

intimate is what I'm gonna do with all the hot babes that reply to this. because I mean they can work for my sure but on the other hand totally single and ready to mingle

but that's beside the point

because yeah it totally works as a great way to weed out the people not worth my time

[refactor]

YOU don't make any sense

slash you'd be surprised kiddo. I've already got your contact info so you're stuck as one of my contacts (ha ha) but a bold offer gets bold people which is exactly what I'm lookin for

[refactor]

yeah figured. only people that shit doesn't super matter for are either rac or assholes from the rest of the quad

rac are aight though

not exactly loyal but aight

[refactor]

man don't even joke about that

like I'm serious that stupid bureau bullcrap messed with a lot of shit hence this posting? for SOME reason people don't want to actually dip their toes into changing things anymore

which is stupid because what are you going to do without your papers

not that it matters to you I guess

[ofobedience]

No. As you say, it hardly matters to something like me. Haha.

text;

[eleutheron]

Is your need truly so great that you must hire outside forces?

ah... good idea.

[deceptions]

statistics don't sound like they're your strong suit.

you mean hideous, not hilarious

—

i'm open to trading info when it comes around, if you are*

*i'm not working for you, this is a mutually beneficial relationship or something

[bittybat]

Bold people can also be idiots.

I don't take offers without going through a broker to settle the terms. You'd be stupid to accept offers from people without seeing their qualifications first hand.