employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

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hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[deceptions]

or you're just objectively wrong

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do you prefer information digitally or carrier pigeons [ Space carrier pigeons?? Probably ]

[refactor]

impossible. like legit. humor is subjective, one. two, that said, if you don't think this is hilarious? your sense of humor sucks

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I mean if you can manage pigeons I'm going to be kinda impressed not gonna lie

but no digital. no footprints. in person or paper only, that kinda thing. I'm an ex code monkey so trust me digital anything is waste of time for security

[deceptions]

try to pick one, will you? which is it — my sense of humor sucks (wrong) or humor's subjective?

—

not every information is going to be confidential, you know. but pigeons it is. i'll try to have one pecking at your window at some point.

[refactor]

don't have to because it can totally be both

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what can I say? I like to err on the side of caution. being careful is only helpful because last thing you want is someone pissy that you found out their dirty little secrets and how you found it out

[deceptions]

aren't these two mutually exclusive things

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assuming they find out in the first place. but nothing electronic, will do.

[refactor]

nope. I can subjectively say your sense of humor sucks

[ he may or may not be just being contrary for the sake of it now ]

yeah and that's never a safe thing to assume. so. paper. you can burn paper can't burn data etc. keeping it old school

course if it's just like someone's illicit dick pics you can just send that digitally. don't give a crap about that kind of dirt being digital.

[deceptions]

then you're subjectively wrong.

—

i didn't know you were the type to want dick pics [ Why are they having this argument, why is this still encrypted ]

[refactor]

[ he's dropping the first part of the conversation here because he has to defend himself... ]

what?? no I/u> don't want them dick pics are just great blackmail material

and I mean I'm using dick pics to kinda cover both genders here but dick pics are (sadly) more common than tit pics

[deceptions]

[ Defending... himself for dick picks, the true epitome of discussion. ]

right

i mean, it's okay to like dick pics, you know, i won't judge.