employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

---

hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[refactor]

depends on what you mean. I've GOT a desk sure but the less time I spend at it the better

because I mean imagine how well running intake is gonna go if you only spend time at your desk.

spoiler alert: badly

[eleutheron]

True enough. But how often do you walk the streets of Old Town? How often do you do the dirty work yourself, rather than hiring it out?

[refactor]

[ At his desk, Jack definitely breathes out a soft 'huh' as he reads, but it comes with a growing smile on his face. That's an interesting point of view, and it's not one he exactly sees from Killjoys. He doesn't dislike them, and hell, he admires them to some degree. But if more of them were like this guy?

Well, he certainly wouldn't have any complaints about that. ]

Well, you're getting me to switch to something a little more formal, because that? That is what I like to hear. I get why the RAC does things the way they do and they serve a purpose, but I've never been a fan of the no allegiances thing. Everyone's got one. Squashing it might as well make y'all robots. I would say no offense, but clearly there's not gonna to be any taken here.

So, y'know, you bring up all of that, and I've got to ask. What do you think about the Accord?

Right, and as an aside? The RAC ever kicks you out, gimme a ring. Seriously. That's the kind of purpose that I always have room to hire.

[inksplashes]

If Yu cried over something, it'd probably be someone else getting to kill you first.

[ Stated with absolute cheer and a matter of fact ring all at once, Lavi laughs brightly before the truth of the statement dawns on him.

Ha ha...ha... ]

But I'll try to convince him to save the arts. Think I can get that printed somewhere?

[tropism]

Now, now, Handsome Jack. You need to be at least a level 5 on the Friendship Scale if you're going to be asking me loaded questions such as, "What do you think about the Accord?" You can probably take a stab at the answer if you want; picture me giving you the equivalent of a smile and a nod.

And really, I'm not disobeying the RAC entirely. "No allegiance to anyone but ourselves" - that, too, is my code.

I'll hold you to that offer, however. An agent's got to keep his options open.

[refactor]

Good thing no one's killing me. Or, y'know, if there ever is a warrant out for me, good to know my fav princess is watching my back!

[ Jack says that so jovially, it might almost sound like he doesn't realize how serious Lavi is... A Mystery. ]

Oh- Oh, that thing? Lavi, I can totally do you one better. Fun facts about me, worked in tech labs before I moved to the Facility. So, I can get you this fancy new tech that's kinda like paper but it will totally animate the thing. It's basically just a really thin screen, but. Cool stuff. And I will print that out for you pronto just to mess with your buddy.

[deceptions]

then you're subjectively wrong.

—

i didn't know you were the type to want dick pics [ Why are they having this argument, why is this still encrypted ]

[inksplashes]

You're such an optimist, Jack.

[ More nervous laughter here. Lavi suppose that it's true Kanda would be on the look out for the warrant, but..

Nah, lets him go with his silver-lining interpretation. ]

Oh yeah? Lemme guess, you changed jobs because there were too many dudes and not enough babes.

[ Clearly that's the important part and Jack meets a ton of babes at Prisoner Intake. ]

I mean, he does have a birthday coming up, I feel like that would make a great present. You could put something like, "Love - Handsome Jack" at the bottom just so he knows you were thinking of him.

[ Actually, Lavi has no idea when Kanda's birthday is--neither of them grew up in a familial setting to celebrate--but it's bound to be within the next 365 days, so that's not a lie. ]

[ofobedience]

What is that? Some kind of food? I don't need to eat, you realise. I'm a cheap date. Haha.

[he can eat??? it's just...what's the point when you don't need to?]

[refactor]

[ he's dropping the first part of the conversation here because he has to defend himself... ]

what?? no I/u> don't want them dick pics are just great blackmail material

and I mean I'm using dick pics to kinda cover both genders here but dick pics are (sadly) more common than tit pics

[refactor]

seriously

are you sure you're not a robot because every time I talk to you I find more evidence for that conclusion

[refactor]

Gotta be! You do the kinda work I do, you better be a turbo optimist or you'll get really depressed by seeing the very bottom of humanity every day. Et cetera. Soooo— [ He draws out that word with a laugh in his voice ] Nah. I mean any hot chicks that come through processing, you'd be violating the dude rule of "don't stick your dick in crazy" like, nine times outta ten.

[ And even the one out of ten that isn't crazy (in Jack's book), no thanks. Though Jack deliberately doesn't even mention the transfer or why he took it. That's a secret that he's somewhat guarded over. ]

Oh— Ohhhhhoh, man, that is a great idea! I mean- No, holy crap, throw him a birthday party. I bet— Ha! I bet he's some kinda loser that hates parties!

[refactor]

I mean you want numbers or

because generally speaking? enough. there are always scumbags out in old town, and I take care of that dirty work if they give me reason to while I'm out and about

kinda wish it was more to be honest? but noooo the company has POLICIES and REGULATIONS which means I usually have to call one of you guys instead of taking care of the problem myself

sucks

[refactor]

Smile and a nod's all I'm really asking for, but if you gave me more? Hey! Great for me. It's a point of interest of mine, so consider it a standard interview question. Also one that's way more useful than crap like "describe your weaknesses."

Think the RAC might consider that a bit more gray area, and ironically, they don't seem to like gray area. So. Option's wide open.

[eleutheron]

You could always switch careers.

[ofobedience]

[Fuck you, he's not a robot.]

Well. In my experience robots don't tend to bleed, or possess internal organs comparable to those of a human, but then what would I know. Technology has come a long way.

[refactor]

that's the plan! more or less. like enforcer would kinda be a downward move and I'm a tech guy anyways but

never planned to work here forever. it's just a stepping stone

[eleutheron]

Where to, exactly?

[ Fenris can't even conceive of moving beyond where he is. Not yet, anyway. ]

[refactor]

figure of speech, gio. it's just. kinda weird?

do you even like food??

[refactor]

up.

I want change for westerley and the only way to really do that? move up. kinda why I went from programmer to facility sector manager. programmer can't do crap to change things but doing what I do now? not much but it's a step

[eleutheron]

[ Westerley is a hot mess, no doubt about it. A hydra of troubles, to Fenris's mind; cutting off one head seems only to spawn three more. He's not sure anyone is capable of changing that. ]

Do you have your eye set on the entire Company? What will you do if you achieve your ends?

[ofobedience]

That's because you're human, and I'm something else.

I have no particular feelings about it.

[tropism]

Also a pointless question. Would've gotten you nowhere very quickly with me, for one.

I don't want to be too critical of the RAC when they put joy in my life and bread on the table, but: we like greys. We just want them on our own terms. I happen to be a problem child, but I'm sure I'm not the first. I try to be cautious about it anyway.

[inksplashes]

[ He's heard something about that rule before, but it's not one he's particularly had to worry about. (It's easy to bypass that when you're a duty-bound virgin, alas.)

Still, he has to keep up the act, so he echoes Jack's laugh, rubbing anxiously at the back of his neck. ]

The crazy ones are so much more fun, though.

[ He assumes. That said, Lavi has a sense of self-preservation so he's going to quickly retract this birthday planning before Yu actually kills him. ]

Uhh--that's a good idea! But.. also I don't want to die, so maybe let's just stick with the gift?

[refactor]

Ha! Fair enough. Cocky, but hey, if you're being cautious? We'll just call it confidence instead. Anyways, you find more of those problem children, just point them my way and I'll see what I can do.

Otherwise, good chat. Knew this would catch SOMEONE'S attention even if like 95% of the replies have been smartasses

at least it's kinda funny though