employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

---

hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[refactor]

I mean I could get on a soapbox here about how keeping neutral is a waste of a life

I won't

but I could

[refactor]

I mean that's a given

you're a stick in the mud pal so there's no way our ideas of interesting align on much

like if it were a venn diagram it'd be a tiiiiiiny little sliver in between

but my half is way more awesome that's also a given

[refactor]

sure have

people doubt my methods for some reason which is friggin stupid because it's not like this is my first rodeo

or eccentric job posting

[ofobedience]

[Stick in the mud...]

Now you're just being rude. I know how to have a good time.

[cauterised]

Probably because of the overuse of 72 point font and glittertext.

Are you expecting all resumes to be in the same format?

[impulsors]

i didn't ask

[bittybat]

You would have to muddle your way through them, and you don't want to do that. You want someone who will accept the terms and complete the job that way it should be done.

Anything not respectable or reasonable wouldn't get you what you want.

[slotted]

WHY WOULD YOU TALK ABOUT THOSE KINDS OF THINGS

[graftage]

i'm not interesting in your love life, jack! go and have fun. let off some steam from all the sector managing you're doing.

[refactor]

oh now you're just being a condescending little bitch

I hate you so much

[refactor]

BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY? LOOK INAPPROPRIATE WORKPLACE JOKES IS THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP YOURSELF FROM COMMITTING SUICIDE FROM ALL THE BROKEN BULLSHIT YOU'RE ON THE HOOK TO FIX

GENERALLY SPEAKING HERE BECAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS A LOT TO FIX. DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE JOB IS

[refactor]

ok that's kind of a fair point but I kind of meant reasonable or respectable as people not in terms of job skills which are pretty different things

I could cite my sources but you're like five so I'll tell you when you're older

[refactor]

you IMPLICITLY asked

duh

also kinda forgot to ask but was there a point here or are you just bored out of your friggin skull at work too

[refactor]

sticks in the mud can still have fun dude. just not as MUCH fun. because you're a stick in the mud

like what was the last fun thing you did

[refactor]

nah overuse would be using it for pretty much every word which I did consider but I figured that was excessive

they'll get bonus points for making me laugh but nah normal boring resumes work too

[graftage]

i actually meant it that time! it works out for the both of us if you're in a good mood, you know.

[impulsors]

not really

to both of those. the whole post was just really bad.

[bittybat]

I'm TEN, and I'm old enough to not give a damn about your sources!

[ofobedience]

Let me see. Earlier today I ripped out a man's spine with my bare hands. That was a spot of fun. There was a lot of blood. Very pretty. I could show you some time, if you like.

[Preferably on you, but you know. A Dog can dream.]

Why do you say I'm a stick in the mud?

[Not that Jack's opinion particularly matters, but he doesn't quite understand.]

[cauterised]

I'd applaud you for your restraint but I'm sure you'd give me a reason to rescind it soon enough anyway.

Good luck with your candidates. Try not to get them killed too soon.

[slotted]

YOU HAVE A STRANGE SENSE OF HUMOUR

[deceptions]

or you're just objectively wrong

—

do you prefer information digitally or carrier pigeons [ Space carrier pigeons?? Probably ]

[lotusmesenpai]

Like I give a shit about that.

[Don't like it? Don't fucking listen. But that name, again?! Even types it completely pisses him off, because he can hear that annoying voice.]

Keep calling me that and I'm gonna cut you up, you ass-sucking bastard!

[refactor]

impossible. like legit. humor is subjective, one. two, that said, if you don't think this is hilarious? your sense of humor sucks

-

I mean if you can manage pigeons I'm going to be kinda impressed not gonna lie

but no digital. no footprints. in person or paper only, that kinda thing. I'm an ex code monkey so trust me digital anything is waste of time for security

[refactor]

I'm hanging up on you

3

2

1

bye