employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

---

hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[ofobedience]

You're missing out. And I can't say I regret being exempt from paperwork, that all falls to someone else. I live a charmed life, haha. I do dislike playing guard dog for the paranoid types who don't seem to realise they're too uninteresting for anyone to make a serious attempt on their lives, however (TODAY). It's beyond me how they ever get clearance in the first place. To keep them quiet and content, I suppose.

And you're right, of course. That style is far more you.

[tropism]

You're building resentment.

★★★ENCRYPTED

I won't be of much help now, but do you take rainchecks?

Kanda is done with you both

[lotusmesenpai]

Fucking idiot rabbit!

[There's the quick sound of a scuffle, because with that laugh in his ear, Kanda's quick to both reach for his handcomm and shove Lavi off his side - and towards the edge of their couch, if he has any say.]

Don't fucking encourage that bullshi--

[And then a sharp cut to silence as he pushes off the thing and storms (in a manly way ofc) towards the bridge rather than continue the conversation with the annoying Company bastard.

Lavi can have the headache, if he wants.]

[cauterised]

That's kind of you.

[Not sarcasm, for once. But back to business—]

I like my current job [well, it pays well at least] but if you need anything I'll see what I can do.

[refactor]

try to be. people don't really get my style no surprises there but I look out for my team(s)

sweet! no need to come transfer to the facility (been there, done that, know it sucks) but you keep an ear to the ground for what's up, I'll appreciate it. kinda an underappreciated part of the job but nothing like getting a scumbag coming through the facility like putting together info on where they're hiding etc

or I mean if they're close or just ~special~ I'll get em myself but that's extra credit

[refactor]

yep. ain't gonna be making friends when you're running processing for a prison though so that's aokay with me

-

absolutely. technically speaking this is ALL about rainchecks because at the moment don't have a pressing need for something/someone in particular. what's your specialty?

[tropism]

Isn't that a bit lonely? Even street rats have each other.

★★★ENCRYPTED

First of all, I'm a killjoy. We'll have to work around a lot of things, but that's nothing new to you.

Should you run into troublesome prisoners, my abilities may be of use.

My blood has nanites. It tends to work badly with people who have modifications, and people who have regenerative capabilities. Their bodies tend to see my blood as an intruder. I am curious as to how far I can push it depending on the person.

My only condition is that they cannot be someone from Westerly. I'm rather fond of this town, you see. Shithole and all.

[refactor]

friggin honestly! you get all the play no work. or well the work that's basically play. you lucky dog

[ jack is probably laughing at his own joke here... ]

but yeah basically. squeaky wheel gets the grease and all that. unfortunately you're the grease. sucks. wish you had more interesting work because it's totally a waste

[refactor]

nope! because luckily not EVERYONE is disagreeing. who wants to be friends with everyone anyways? even a few people is totally better than everyone trying to hop on your dick

-

ooooooh that sounds fun. consider my attention officially caught and my wallet open.

in theory anyways. because totally get the caveat there with the "where" buuuut most of the peeps that come through are from westerley. we get people from the rest of the quad sometimes, but it's a bad ratio. but. makes it all the sweeter because giving the uppity assholes from the rest of a quad a special welcome is pretty awesome

so yes. interested. what's the name so I know who to contact next time I get a lucky and nasty leithian?

[ofobedience]

[Honestly, he's not entirely sure whether it's intended as a joke or just a discription. It's jack, so he's leaning towards joke, but who knows.]

I'll say.

Certainly a waste. Alas. But I suppose one can't have everything-- at least 80% of what I do is good fun.

[tropism]

Well, of course. You'd need them to watch your back, too.

★★★ENCRYPTED

Giorno.

And it is precisely because of that ratio that my condition stands. [ does that make him sound like a hero? a wannabe saviour? perhaps. as far as he's concerned, however, there are some things that he finds intolerable in this town, and it is therapeutic to set limits on certain, abstract things that are part of a larger, more intricate fabric in their rather short and furious lives.

he remembers that he is only level 1, for now. for now. ]

Thank you for your understanding, Handsome Jack.

baby come back i didn't mean to (idk the words after that)

[inksplashes]

[ With a distinct "oof" and more sounds of scrambling, there's a lengthy pause before Lavi scraps back toward the comm. ]

Aww, come on Yu! Don't be like--

[ A heavy sigh, one long suffering, but then he sees the screen again and he's right back to laughing. Sorry not sorry. ]

That has to be the finest piece of art I've ever seen. Even I think you're handsome now. Yu is uh..

[ Lavi doesn't even try to finish that statement. Jack knows. ]

[deceptions]

aren't these two mutually exclusive things

—

assuming they find out in the first place. but nothing electronic, will do.

[refactor]

nope. I can subjectively say your sense of humor sucks

[ he may or may not be just being contrary for the sake of it now ]

yeah and that's never a safe thing to assume. so. paper. you can burn paper can't burn data etc. keeping it old school

course if it's just like someone's illicit dick pics you can just send that digitally. don't give a crap about that kind of dirt being digital.

[refactor]

see? totally fair. my ratio is like 20% in a GOOD month

[refactor]

Ha! Glad someone appreciates my artistry! I've got like a friggin' vision, duh.

[ He's basically cackling, though. This is exactly why he gives Kanda such a hard time. He makes it so easy. ]

Hey, just do me a favor and make sure he doesn't cry over it. Or, I dunno, kill someone? Unless they're a scumbag I guess. Then it's cool.

[refactor]

exactly. mutual backwatching and everyone's happy

-

no problemo giorno. hey just watch your back if you're with the killjoys. they don't take kindly to "extra" work because of that whole no loyalty crap but personally side jobs don't count as loyalty in my book

but hey. I like your work? I've got connections. can totally cover for you at least to some extent

[ofobedience]

It sucks to be you.

[look. he can do slang if he wants to. stick in the mud...]

[eleutheron]

[ Fenris briefly considers the work they do, which--for his part--mostly involves violent suppression of the Westie locals. Does he want to be the best at cuffing the desperate poor? At executing them, or sending them to labor camps?

It's text, so the sneer can't come through, but he's wearing one all the same. ]

I want to fulfill my orders. Nothing more, nothing less.

[refactor]

it does! my life is so hard and full of tragedy etc etc

but! hey good job on using the word "sucks" because I can call that a step in the right direction. just yknow still got a ways to go but. good start

[refactor]

then you'll never go anywhere. which if that's fine with you? totally cool. no judgement. but that's just the way the company works. if you don't excel, some other asshole's going to

goes even for the dirty work no one else wants to do. you wan to get out of the pit, you've gotta build a ladder, etc

[ofobedience]

I'm so glad you approve. I don't know what I would have done, otherwise.

[tropism]

★★★ENCRYPTED

I know. I hold the rather unpopular opinion that one has to live for something other than the warrant, even if the warrant is all.

What happens when you have nothing else left for you beyond that? It's a situation I cannot entirely accept. You've held more people behind bars than I can probably think of counting; you know exactly what men who have nothing more for themselves look like. They're not limited to the ones in prison, or in Westerley itself; I guess the ones with the power and joy are much better at hiding their tracks than most.

I suppose that'll be the grave I've dug for myself. But until I'm given a reason to change my mind, I maintain that I can care for my town and for the warrant. I'm not so weak that I'd doubt my ability to hold onto both until that time comes.

[ does it matter to giorno that his brand of justice is vengeful? not exactly. ]

[eleutheron]

I have never failed in any task given to me. I'm an Enforcer, and I do not falter in that role, no matter the difficulty. No matter the filth.

You are a desk jockey, more or less. Am I correct?

[refactor]

cried into your wheaties probably

you seem like a wheaties kinda guy