employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

---

hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[refactor]

THAT'S TRUE

BUT

THIS IS NOT THE STRANGE PART OF MY SENSE OF HUMOR BUCKO. THIS IS NORMAL?

[refactor]

okay generally speaking I would say that's friggin stupid because sources matter but

if I say that I'd have to explain so yeah totally kiddo

[refactor]

and yet you replied anyways

[refactor]

haha holy crap

that is way more metal of a response than I expected so nice and I mean that one. you rip out spines often? or is it just a good day today

you're a stick in the mud because you kinda talk like a robot buddy. like not beep boop 0011010 kind but stiff. I'm also at least 90% you don't actually know how to smile like for real

[refactor]

I made you a present

[refactor]

pffft maybe but at least it would take like a few minutes

thanks. all joking aside I don't plan to. a lot of my disappearances and deaths were because of that crap with the "true leithians" or whatever they call themselves. would have definitely preferred to not lose em but only so much I can do in that regard

[impulsors]

well yeah

it's kind of a bad sign if the company's that desperate for people.

[ofobedience]

Not always the spine, but you know. Variety is the spice of life. Some days are more interesting than others, I'll admit.

I speak correctly, whilst it seems no one ever taught you about grammar and capitalisation. And come on now, I smile quite regularly.

[Just...you know...wrongly, and at inappropriate times...]

[cauterised]

You could offer compensation for their grieving widows.

Though that might be more incentive to die rather than less.

[bittybat]

Don't make excuses just because you don't have any examples of the sources you claim to have.

[It's okay to challenge Handsome Jack, right.]

[eleutheron]

The work we do doesn't require diversity in any arena. There's no special brilliance to getting your hands dirty.

[slotted]

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE ACTUAL STRANGE PART IS, THEN

text

[tropism]

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets

One or the other. Westies are more interested in being ungovernable.

audio too

[inksplashes]

[ Following a string of muffled curses and coos, you get a Lavi on the other end instead. ]

Yo Jack--

[ ... who was going to say "Yu will get back with you later", but the sight of the message has him laughing at a dangerously high pitch.

Nope, no help here Yu. Too busy giggling like a school girl. ]

[deceptions]

try to pick one, will you? which is it — my sense of humor sucks (wrong) or humor's subjective?

—

not every information is going to be confidential, you know. but pigeons it is. i'll try to have one pecking at your window at some point.

[graftage]

you know you can't hang up on a text conversation, right. just checking.

anyways, have a nice day, jack! i'll be around if you need someone to yell at :)

[refactor]

don't have to because it can totally be both

-

what can I say? I like to err on the side of caution. being careful is only helpful because last thing you want is someone pissy that you found out their dirty little secrets and how you found it out

[refactor]

NOPEEEEE YOU SURE DO NOT

SCUMBAGS COME UP WITH SOME PRETTY MESSED UP STUFF LET'S PUT IT THAT WAY. WORK'S NEVER BORING

[refactor]

I mean I do but if I share them you're gonna be more annoyed that you know than your blissful ignorance here

[refactor]

see I'm DEFINITELY not acting on behalf of the company don't confuse that part

I work for them but this? this is just my own initiative. course if I do anything that pisses off higher ups too much I'll get a slap on the wrist but eh

I've got a way of doing things and they don't care enough to interfere

[refactor]

eh well yeah that's always the case. sometimes I'm just doing paperwork (TODAY) and other times I get to go more on your line of work. no spine rippings though. I'm not that hardcore

sucks

anyways

I can totally use proper capitalization and punctuation when I want to, kiddo. It's just kind of a waste of time, one, and two? It makes me sound way more formal. You'll totally get the wrong impression of the kind of person I am if I'm typing like this.

because you gotta admit this style? way more me

also audio??

[refactor]

[ When Jack hears Lavi, then he has no complaints switching to audio, and there's a warm laugh in his voice. ]

Yooo, Lavi, sup! What, is he busy having a stroke? Kinda figured he might. Totally worth it.

[refactor]

totally disagree. like obviously but here's a question to make my point. the work we do, you wanna just get it done? or are you wanting to be the best at it?

[refactor]

oh well yeah

I'm not a monster? Course the widows get pay if the guy (gender neutral here) dies. disappeared? ehhhh that one's a harder sell because not up for dealing with fraud but

yeah if there's something I can do in that first case I try to

[refactor]

sure are and that's kinda the problem. like that conflict is why I've got a job level of problem. but you have to have both if you want any hope of this place not being the equivalent of the quad's asshole