employment opportunity near YOU!!!

[refactor]

Who: Handsome Jack and YOU
Medium: Text
Security/Encryption: none on the original, high in responses
Warnings: it's jack so it'll probably get awful

---

hey kiddos handsome jack here

which first of all if we're not acquainted, sup. there's a pretty good chance you know who I am since I mean I kind of make a point of that but if not? all you need to know is that I'm (one of) your resident sector managers for the prison intake facility. go do your homework if you don't know who I am. or actually no scratch that go ahead and tell me because if you don't know who I am CLEARLY I need to kick someone's ass. notoriety is the name of the game when you're keeping scumbags in line etc

but as much as I am all for talking about my favorite subject (if you're short a few brain cells and don't get the implication there, it's me) I am actually sending out a general message here for a reason

DO YOU LIKE:

♚ bringing order to the shithole that is westerley
♚ taking bad people off the streets
♚ violence
♚ like seriously if people end up with some serious injuries not my problem
♚ getting paid $$$$$

then you're in luck because I am taking

since SOME of my contacts keep or I'm super needing to refresh my proverbial rolodex here. rac, info brokers, super hot babes, you name it, I'm (probably) looking for it. I shell out for good work so if you think you've got a service to provide make a pitch

serious offers only, do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers, etc

or do I don't give a crap it's a boring day and I have time to burn

edited to add some color thanks for the suggestions always open for constructive feedback yall

Comments

[slotted]

IT'S BEAUTIFUL
AND I DON'T REALLY HAVE A BUDGET FOR A BETTER PHONE
THIS IS FINE
DOES IT BOTHER YOU?

[graftage]

still, it's very much "i want to help the many by getting rid of the bad seeds in the lot", so you're getting close to it, i think.

but honestly? i'd pay money to see you go one-on-one with the criminal underworld. do you even know how to fight?

[refactor]

look I drive a hard bargain I know but that's how you get the good people. tried and true method

[ which is why he's pretty pleased for the encrypted text, which he also ups the security for in turn ]

I mean depends on the kinda work they're providing! can't do an across the board thing for EVERYONE that's smart enough to work with me. why?

[refactor]

no way it's totally different. because me? I'm action, sweetheart. already a big difference there over talk

and duh I do? what you think I'd run a freaking pre-prison prison and not know how to bust some heads? cripes. one time I strangled a guy so hard one of his eyes popped out

(he lived btw just to clarify)

[refactor]

thanks pal. I put my best glittertext efforts into it. wanted yellow honestly but that's kind of hard to read so this had to do

and yeah a little but only because it's weird? like

YOU HAVE TO SEE HOW THE CAPS COMES OFF HERE RIGHT

IT'S LIKE I'M TURBO SHOUTING AT YOU DESPITE THE FACT THAT I'M JUST LAUGHING THAT I'M USING THE STANDARD CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL

WAIT I TAKE IT BACK THAT WOULD IMPLY THAT YOU'RE COOL AND I HAVEN'T MADE A JUDGEMENT ON THAT ONE YET. YOU HAVE TO EARN COOL

1/2

[graftage]

some of us take a less drastic approach to things, but we do it in our own way. believe me, we're doing much more than "talking" (though i know some of us like to talk more than others, guilty as charged for that)

i remember you telling me about that, actually! thought it was a tall tale, at first. but i'm not surprised, you're that kind of man.

so, why do you need people to do this kind of thing for you, then? is the Company giving you too many sectors to manage or what

2/2

[graftage]

[Like 2 seconds later:]

also loving the colors by the way. nice touch.

[slotted]

IT'S DEFINITELY JUST YOU
I'M JUST READING IT NORMALLY

[refactor]

obviously not. but look I get it it's not often that you stand (so to speak) in the presence of greatness so it's a little overwhelming

also, would like to point out that every time someone asks that I give the same response and it's "rude"

[refactor]

quality over quantity gio

like I'm no hr guy (that would be hilarious though like can you imagine) but it's all about marketing. I'm gonna get EXACTLY the kinda people I'm hoping for with this ad

[refactor]

if by "less drastic" you mean "never gonna do anything" then yes, agree on that one

I wish? I'd manage the whole facility if they'd let me but nooooo it's "too much" for one person or other corporate crap. it's just all about doing my job well. all the other sector managers? they do their job sure. but they're not efficient. they don't see a way to make things work. I do. not calling them lazy but I am calling them short-sighted. hence, need more hands and not necessarily company hands

also thanks. that's the least crap thing you've said today so congratulations

[refactor]

THIS IS SO NOT NORMAL YOU'RE JUST USED TO IT

LIKE WHEN YOU FART AND DON'T SMELL ANYTHING BUT EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS ABOUT TO RIP OFF THEIR OWN NOSE TO ESCAPE THAT KIND OF STANK. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CALLED-- OK GOOGLE SAYS NOSEBLIND

YOU'RE TEXTBLIND

I CAN TOTALLY POLL THE MASSES ON THIS ONCE THE SYSTEM CALMS DOWN AND TELLS ME TO STOP POSTING SO MUCH

[deceptions]

except the people that die?

also what the hell happened to this post

[ Keeping up with two set of conversations is annoying, but necessary precautions, etc. ]

information's nice to have, is all. the bigger your network the better, right? [ Is he a RAC agent or an information broker it's really hard to tell sometimes. ]

[graftage]

say what you want, jack. just because we don't have big flashy results doesn't mean there aren't any results at all.

sounds real complicated. i've never had a mind for business myself so i can't see what anyone gets out of managing other people like this. how many people are you even looking for? as many as you can get?

thanks :) i always like to stay positive

[impulsors]

trust me. it's not obvious.

how long have you even been with them?

what the fresh hell is this

[slotted]

OKAY MAYBE IT IS WEIRD
BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO USE THAT KIND OF COMPARISON
I GET IT NOW, THOUGH
SO YOU KNOW
THANKS?

[ofobedience]

Disposable, you mean? Desperate?

i'm just going to divide the two conversations with a hyphen...

[refactor]

yeah I mean minus them but I said tried and true not foolproof

it got improved obviously? it's hilarious now and therefore wayyyyy better

-

sure is. hence the call for new contacts. I've got some ol' faithful contacts but I'm actually always looking? buuuut just went more direct this time around

[refactor]

don't get started on the feelings crap that TOTALLY does not count ugh

well that's why I'm here managing the most efficient sector and you're not pumpkin. I've got a knack for it. I've got a number in mind but it's more like just a nice to have kinda deal. I'm not going to take on someone crap just to reach a quota. that's not how I do things

quality over quantity every day

it's... it's jack... i'm sorry

[refactor]

YOU'RE TOTALLY WELCOME AND CLEARLY YES I DID BECAUSE NOW YOU GET IT

SOMETIMES THE WEIRD METAPHOR IS THE ONE THAT MAKES IT MAKE THE MOST SENSE

NOT THAT FARTING IS WEIRD BUT THAT'S JUST THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND THERE FOR THINGS YOU COULD BE NOSEBLIND TO

[refactor]

wait what like the company?

uh... since I was 18 I guess? crap idk as soon as I could buddy I was ready to be a company man from the moment I realized I pretty much had to

[refactor]

pffffft no

if they're super disposable and super desperate they can just friggin sign up with the company proper. I'm not into that

[impulsors]

"had to"?

[graftage]

maybe i should! i know a certain someone would like if i got started on that, but i'll take mercy on you for now :)

so if people do offer, how are you going to weed them out? have some kind of interview with them and go over their resume? sounds kind of boring

[ofobedience]

Then perhaps you ought to reconsider your advertising tactics. What kind of people do you expect to attract when you advertise the disappearance and deaths of their predecessors in flashing, colourful text?

It makes you look awfully suspect.