kind of like a scifi yahoo answers

[r3f4c70r3d]

Who: Angel OTA
When: W8D1 (like father like daughter)
Medium:text
Security/Encryption:none, but untraceable
Warnings: none


[Between the accords being pulled from under their feet, the riots with the mess they left behind, and Jack in general Angel hasn't had much time to sleep, but when she does it's like nothing she's ever experienced. Sometimes they're incredibly vivid, like she was actually there in that moment. Others are blurrier but leave her feeling like her heart has been ripped out each time she wakes from them. She needs someone to confide in, but has no one to turn to. Cue the blessing that is anonymous messaging boards. Even if she doesn't find the exact answers she seeks, she may at least find some solidarity, and be able to get this off her chest.]


ANONYMOUS ASKS:

Been having very strange dreams lately. Usually nightmares. Only started recently. Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do about it? Thank you.

Comments

[decompiler]

[ Royce has an appreciation for the anonymity. For one thing, people tend to be a little more... honest. At times. People who may otherwise be quite—cautious, for one reason or another.

Royce, though, he's got nothing to hide. Nothing to hide. ]

< !-- had a thought recently, in particular after getting the more-than-vague sense that this is not an isolated set of incidents, not isolated at all. these dreams, they seem to be really rather common in fact! suppose we took stock of these instances and all their little peculiarities, an inventory, if you will. all together now, a group effort. i've got my hypotheses, but i admit they're barely even that, observations mostly, at this point. but for instance how many of our dreamers were likewise afflicted by the nikora virus? the sheer number of people reporting hallucinations during and afterward, why i'm almost comfortable correlating the two. but only tentatively of course, only tentatively. royce --! >

[r3f4c70r3d]

[ This is a way lengthier response than Angel expected, more detailed too. Also this person writes weird. ]

That sounds like a serious endeavour and I don't wish to partake in any sort of mass survey or experiment, only find others who have experienced this phenomenon and can relate to it, at least for now. I can tell you that I was never infected by the nikora virus, though.

[kirkwalled]

Drink heavily

[r3f4c70r3d]

I don't have that option.

[kirkwalled]

What why? Booze solves everything

[r3f4c70r3d]

I'm fairly certain alcohol has the opposite effect on situations. Also I don't have any.

[kirkwalled]

First of all that's a lie and I won't have it. Secondly, I can get some to you, I suppose. I've never done booze delivery but I will be happy to, if only to make sure you don't continue with these false and terrible opinions

[r3f4c70r3d]

You absolutely cannot deliver any to me, and my facts are backed up by statistics, which I have a lot of.

[kirkwalled]

Cannot or should not because don't be a baby.

Well, my facts are backed up with years of hard personal research. Don't you quote numbers at me until I hand you your own beer.

[r3f4c70r3d]

Cannot. Seriously, you can't.

[kirkwalled]

I've found there's very little I can't do. I bet you're on, what, Qresh? Haha, snob city.

What if I mail you beer?

[r3f4c70r3d]

I don't have the...authority to give you my location.

[kirkwalled]

[ well, now, what. Hawke was sort of going off the assumption here that Angel just didn't want anyone to show up -- not that it was an actual can't. ]

... Authority. Really? Are you in jail or something?

[r3f4c70r3d]

Or something.

[kirkwalled]

Or something.

I have to say, you're making me dreadfully curious what your Thing is. You're really going to keep up the vague and ominous thing instead of giving some sort of excuse? At least try to lie to me first, will you?

[r3f4c70r3d]

Okay.

I'm a criminal on the lam with my fellow escapees, and can't give away my location because this is a public forum and that would be counter productive.

[kirkwalled]

See, I like that much more and I suppose that's a fair enough point. What'd you do? Did you kill a man? Really make me believe it, tell me how it all went down.

[r3f4c70r3d]

[ [This is so far removed from Angels initial question but Angel finds herself humoring this person anyways.] ]

I've been an accomplice in countless dirty dealings, I play the bait and they...do the rest. Sometimes it ends in death, sometimes the mark is less lucky.

[kirkwalled]

[ Live a little, Angel! Enjoy the chaos that is Hawke's brand of... everything ]

See, now I'm almost sad this is most certainly a lie because wouldn't that be interesting? I always thought those forced to be the bait had it worse off, imagine all that guilt? Maker's ass, that would suck.

But if this is the lie, you've made me even more curious about what your real deal is. What's your name, Anonymous? Or is even that too much to ask?

[r3f4c70r3d]

[ [Don't be sad Hawke, because it's only a half lie!] ]

Yes. The guilt does "suck".

[ [Angel thinks for a moment, she can't give her real name, for obvious reasons, so what would be a good pseudonym? For some reason, the word "siren" comes to mind, and with it the beginnings of a headache, uhg. She'll need to crank up the painkillers when she's done with this.] ]

You can call me Siren.

[kirkwalled]

[ Oh, that's great news! Kind of. Oh boy. ]

What a pretty nickname. I'm Hawke! Not a nickname. My real name, actually. Though if I did have a nickname, it'd be something like... Dragon... Puncher, I think. Yes, Dragon Puncher.

[r3f4c70r3d]

[ Hawke...Hawke...that name seems familiar, Angel is sure she's read it somewhere recently. Is this person Company? She'll have to go through her files to confirm, but she has a feeling it's a name that's crossed her screen more than once.

Either way, they sure seem, er, eccentric. ]

It's nice to meet you, Hawke.

[kirkwalled]

[ Just don't ask Jack about her, Angel.

And eccentric is a good word for it. ]

It is nice to meet me! A pleasure, even. And when I figure out what's up with you, I'm sure it'll be nice to meet you too.

[r3f4c70r3d]

You remind me of someone.
And you're probably not going to get that far, but good luck. Though I'd strongly advise against even trying.

[kirkwalled]

Someone good, I hope.

And I'm persistent and with a heck of a death wish, it'll be fine!

[r3f4c70r3d]

"Good" is not the word I'd use.

[kirkwalled]

... Well, then why would you say I reminded you of them? D:

[r3f4c70r3d]

Because you do.

[kirkwalled]

And now I'm offended. I'd rather only be associated with good people, for the record.

anon; traceable

[stressors]

They're just dreams, right? They almost feel nostalgic.

I'm glad there's more than one person experiencing them out there. Might make it less awkward to talk about them in casual conversation.

[r3f4c70r3d]

Yes! They've felt more like a memory than a dream, but of places and people I've never seen or met.
I only remember some of them, other times I wake up with only the lingering emotion of it, but all of them have felt very real in a way that I've never experienced before.

I'm glad too.

[stressors]

I was beginning to think I was getting sick. There was that epidemic, after all. I might buy that they're all just fever dreams, but I'm not feeling at all under the weather.

Hey, who knows? Maybe we met in dream scape.

[r3f4c70r3d]

[ Angel knows there's no way she's sick, her bunker is as sterile as it is secure, no pathogens getting in here. It's the second part that confuses her. ]

What do you mean, "maybe we met"?

[lefthandfree]

Dunno if mine qualify as nightmares, but there definitely seems to be something going on. Seems unrelated to what my subconscious normally projects. Might be worth logging, if only to draw connections between them. Some of them seem too real to ignore.

Sounds like the nightmares are weighing heavily on you though. If there’s anyone you can confide in, venting about what you’re experiencing in them would definitely help, I think.

[r3f4c70r3d]

There isn't, unfortunately. Coming here was both my last and only resort.

[lefthandfree]

Seems like a lonely life. Everyone deserves someone.

Well, assuming you don’t hate people or something. Sounds like you don’t, but I don’t want to make assumptions.

[r3f4c70r3d]

Yeah, I guess. I don't have much of a choice and am busy so it's fine. People are fine. Mostly.

[lefthandfree]

Mostly?

Not having a choice and being busy doesn’t really make that fine. Maybe it helps you ignore it because you can preoccupy yourself with something else, but contact with others is a basic need, like food or water. Eventually, it’ll grow unbearable. At least, it would for me.

[r3f4c70r3d]

I've seen enough to know the number of bad people out there isn't insignificant. So mostly.

I contact plenty of people, I'm contacting you right now aren't I? I just don't get out much.

[ If she's coming across kind of defensive she's not conscious of it. She does her best to cope with the hardships of her predicament by pretending things are normal, and would rather not have that illusion shattered. ]

[lefthandfree]

Well, can’t say you’re wrong because that’s pretty dead on, so fair enough.

Dunno if this counts as proper contact. I'm a stranger. But if confiding in strangers makes you more comfortable than confiding in friends, then more power to you. Don’t gotta get out to have friends though. Friends can come from anywhere.

[As far as James is concerned, it just seems as if this anonymous person has a misguided sense of friendship, and with the topic of the dreams, it becomes hard for him to ignore, his own dreams echoing strongly of the opposite sentiment. Friends are important. Having people to count on even more so. There’s nothing quite like knowing someone will always have your back.

‘To the end of the line,’ he’d said in a dream. A ghost repeated it back to him in another.]

[r3f4c70r3d]

I have a friend.

[ She's getting terse. Sorry Bucky, she really doesn't like thinking about how inconsolably lonely she is. You understand. ]

[lefthandfree]

[He would if you told him that. Instead you just said that you only have one friend. Which is. Appalling. Also there's this thing about tone being hard to decipher in text and. Well. Anyway.]

A friend? Just one? Jesus Christ.

Why? You don’t seem like a bad person at all. I mean, I’m sorry if that’s forward of me to say, but you don’t come across like an asshole, and that’s more than enough reason for me to like you already. You’ve also made connections about the dreams or nightmares or whatever, so you’re clearly no dummy either. That’s stuff people usually like having in a friend.

[r3f4c70r3d]

[ Wow. This guy is kinda a jerk? He's saying nice things, sure, but being borderline condescending about it and his pity is so unwelcome. ]

You're making a lot of assumptions, I'm not a good person. But thank you for the compliments. This conversation has gotten a lot more personal than I intended with the initial post.

[lefthandfree]

[There’s a disconnect between what they’re saying and what James has already seen. One who is bad doesn’t go about saying that people are mostly okay because there are still bad people. Bad people know what they are inherently and wear it on their skin, even when it's mostly veiled from others. He’s seen enough to know this. The way this person speaks isn’t anything like someone who is “bad” by any means. And even then, bad people can still have friends if they play their cards right. Instead of considering the possibility, this person seems to see it as a mark against them. These aren’t the words of someone bad. These are the words of someone punishing themselves.

With the response, it grows obvious he’s struck a nerve. But rather than pity, he only feels remorse, a stressful press in his mind that tells him he’s felt this before himself, even though he can’t seem to recall when exactly that was. He has to walk away for a bit, to gather his head properly before responding. A part of him he doesn’t recognize knows the feeling too well and wants to tell this stranger that they deserve better then they let themselves feel, that he also deserves better than what he lets himself feel. But there is no sense there; he doesn’t understand why he feels as if he is punishing himself when he isn’t.

It’s several minutes before he responds, a significant delay compared to his other responses.]

Sorry. I didn’t mean to get that personal about it, though I guess it's a bit too late for apologies. Good or bad, everyone deserves a chance. A real fighting chance. That’s all.

If you trust that friend, then I think you should talk to them. Obviously don’t spill all the beans if you ain’t sure, but... They could help you more than you know.

Don’t tie yourself down before you’ve flown. The world isn’t always what it seems.

[r3f4c70r3d]

[ This person speaks of opportunity in a way she has no access to. It makes sense, her circumstances are pretty far from the norm but she has no way to explain just how far.

She thinks that she's read that last part on a digital greeting card. ]

You sound like someone who has many options ahead of them. Thank you for your advice, but I only have one path available to me, and none of your suggestions are on it.

[lefthandfree]

[James almost laughs at the response in spite of himself. Almost. He needs way longer than before to keep from going off. This person understands nothing of how much he's fought for everything he still has, what all is even left. He made his current life when all other doors had closed. Even now, they miss the opportunity in front of their eyes, the ability to form alliances, contacts. Friends. A new path they never traversed before that they had only taken as a last resort. That they cannot see it for what it really is tears him apart, angers him in a way he doesn't understand.

Until he realizes that it's not the stranger he's angry with but whoever put it in their mind to think they had no other choice. Hydra, a distant part of his mind whispers, though he doesn't know what it means.

This person needs a catalyst, James realizes then. Someone that isn't him, someone they actually trust, to break the proverbial spell. It's not his place to contest their beliefs if they don't even realize the key in their hand. Freedom is only freedom when you know what it is, after all.

It's at least an hour before he replies this time.]

Now who’s making assumptions?

Sorry I couldn’t help, then. For whatever it’s worth, I’m always willing to lend an ear if anyone needs it. Even if you have to lie to be honest. Either way, I wish you the best, pal.

[r3f4c70r3d]

[ Angel hadn't meant to get so abrasive, it's so rare that she gets the chance to speak freely like this that the amount of bitterness that comes out surprises even herself.

She wishes she could tell this person more about the position she's in, how little room she has. How she's not a person, both in the literal legal sense, but also as a concept. As an anonymous poster she can speak as herself, but will always have to remain vague. As an AI she has a face and a name, but is stuck in a perpetual lie, an act that's initially meant to manipulate those she comes into contact with. Angel Marten...the girl who should sit between those two personas doesn't exist. ]

Thank you. I appreciate both that and your effort, at least.